I had the worst weekend ever.
I found out my ex, who I still love, was cheating on me whilst we were together and she is with the bloke now. Well actually they had an arguement and she's now homeless. The dirty whore.
It made me feel absolutely shit. I've been drunk since I found out and I am still drunk. Last night all I did was cry and stare at a knife.
I don't know why though, this woman made my life hell. I went from a confident slim young man to a fat wimp who sort of resembles the male species. 6 fucking years I wasted with this bitch! I wasted all my time helping her to get to where she is today! I didn't do anything I wanted to do in the meantime. I missed out on friends, I missed out on Uni. I missed out on my entire fucking life!
The only thing that brings a smile on my face, is when I look after my friends son. His innocence is all thats good. I just hope he doesn't turn out as bitter as me!
The problem I have now is what the fuck do I do. If I'm not depressed about "it" I'm fucking thinking about the quickest way to kill myself with a knife or even a gun, as I know I can get my hands on one. I have even had my stomach pump through a cocaine and vodka binge.... although no one I know, know's this.
All I want is to be happy again.