I bet people are getting sick of my depressed moaning. But I'm not that bothered. It helps haha.

Today I feel a bit better I think. Still not really talking to anyone. One word answers are good for me. Deleted all photos of my ex last night of my mobile and computers. Burnt any others which was strangely satisfying! Tonight I plan to get rid of everything else in my house of her. Like her Betty Boop figure in the draw to all the condoms we bought under the bed.....

It's hard to believe I am where I am today. I'm in a bit of a spin from thinking about the last six years. It's hard to think of the good points. In the six years with her I gained 6 stone (in american it's a lot fatty), I've been on anti depressants, had panic attacks (which have returned), got quite heavily in debt and not gone to uni. I always wanted to go to uni but instead I worked so me and my ex could be together.

What a mistake that was.

Don't get me wrong I do have a good job that pays well. Not exactly what I wanted to do but it pays the bills. But I'm now thinking "It's never too late". I always wanted to teach, teaching is a really rewarding career, as long as you don't get made to cry.... like I once did in middle school. But anyway I'm thinking of doing a history degree then doing a pgce to become a fully fledged teacher. It's a grand Idea but I'll be 29 before I get there!

All I know is I have to look at the positives of my current life and get back to me. Or at least figure out me. I have a picture of myself from before she made me fat (haha) to encourage me to lose the weight. I've already lost 1.5stone but I still have my double chin, nasty gut, stratch marks and fat thighs!!! But I'll do it... for me.

New Motto "No one can be trusted.......until proven otherwise"

See ya